


My Love For You Is Choking Me

by ObsidionWingsofMidnight



Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst out the wazoo, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hanahaki Disease, I have too many fics going at once, M/M, Most Times, also no laptop still cuz life and my bank account hate me lol, and a lawlu one, but i needed to write a hanahaki fic, but like lots and lots of angst first, everyone else is caught between wanting them to be happy and being wierded out, he also hacks up a lot of flowers, i might change the title later, law hates himself a lot sometimes, law is sad, luffy has zero fucks to give tho, luffy will make things better, no clear update schedule, poor child, poor sad angstlord, so here we fucking are
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2018-11-07 21:54:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11067879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObsidionWingsofMidnight/pseuds/ObsidionWingsofMidnight
Summary: Hanahaki disease: an illness born of one-sided love that causes flowers to grow within the infected patient’s lungs. If left untreated it will suffocate the host and kill them. The growth can be removed through surgery, but it will also remove the feelings along with the flowers. It can be cured without side effects if the feelings are returned.Law wished he had died back under Doflamingo’s gun more than ever.





	1. Not This Again

Hanahaki disease: an illness born of one-sided love that causes flowers to grow within the infected patient’s lungs. If left untreated it will suffocate the host and kill them. The growth can be removed through surgery, but it will also remove the feelings along with the flowers. It can be cured without side effects if the feelings are returned.

* * *

The first time Law spit up flower petals it was in Dressrosa. Luffy was carrying him over his shoulder and refused to put him down. At first Law thought it was just the up and down movement that was making him feel sick- well, that and the fear he was going to fail- but after a few minutes he realized the thing trying to crawl up his throat wasn’t bile.

Luffy landed a jump that shook Law hard enough to startle a cough out of him. When he saw the red petals floating away in their wake he mistook them for blood at first. Then he realized they were falling far too slowly, and his veins turned to ice.

He was a doctor- of course he knew what Hanahaki disease was. He’d even had first hand experience with it. It was not something he had ever wanted to go through again.

He had...suspicions about who the flowers were for, but he refused to acknowledge it. He was hoping that this time he’d be able to bury the feelings until they disappeared.

He was never that lucky.

* * *

It wasn’t until after Doflamingo was defeated that he coughed up a whole flower.

The Straw Hats were celebrating their victory now that everyone was healed enough for it, which of course meant that they had roped Law into it as well. Something about not being a party pooper.

He actually enjoyed himself for a while. It wasn’t noticeable to the vast majority of people there, but he allowed himself to relax a bit. He had a few drinks, ate some of their cook’s delicious non-bread oriented food, and listened to them crack jokes and bicker affectionately. At one point he had almost laughed at the sight of their captain attempting to sing and dance when he was bloated to twice his normal size with meat. Almost.

He felt the tickle in the back of his throat that signaled the approach of something unwanted and quietly slipped away in all the ruckus. Nobody seemed to notice except for their shrewd eyed archeologist, but thankfully she didn’t point it out to anyone.

He found a secluded spot in the trees and finally let himself release the cough that had been building up in his chest for a while. After some painful convulsing he hacked up a red blossom into his palms. A gerbera daisy.

He wanted to curse himself for his thorough knowledge of plants and their symbolism. It had been years, yet he still remembered all those flowers he had researched when he was younger. Back then he’d been desperate to know what the petals he’d been vomiting had come from. Even after he found out he kept reading. Just in case something like that ever happened again.

Well, now it was happening again, and Law wished he had died back under Doflamingo’s gun more than ever.

The flowers a person expelled with Hanahaki directly corresponded to how they saw the person they were in love with. Nobody knew why that was exactly, but it made it a lot harder to deny to one’s self who their object of attraction was. Law would give anything to not know who he was having these ridiculous feelings for.

But of course he did because the universe hated him.

Gerbera daisies meant cheerfulness. They were as red as Straw Hat-ya’s stupid vest, and Law hated them.

He wanted to crush his feelings in his fist as easily as he could the flower that was there instead.

He could remove them- all too easily with his abilities- but he didn’t want to. He’d vowed never to do that to himself again after last time. No, he’d rather die than repeat that.

But he was being ridiculous. He didn’t have to die if the stupid feelings would just go away. This time was different. He could wait it out. Surely the growth in his lungs would recede if he just _stopped_ falling in love with that smiling idiot. He would be fine. He could do it.

He dropped the crumpled blossom from his hands and shoved them under a bush with his foot.

Out of sight, out of mind.

* * *

It was far easier said than done.

He did his utmost best to avoid the other captain when they didn’t have business to discuss, but the other would just. Not. Leave. Him. Alone. _Ever_.

Not even when his rowdy crew scolded him for clinging to Law like a rubbery koala. The Heart Pirate’s Captain had to sit through all of Nami’s verbal- and physical- rebukes to her captain, Chopper’s timid reprimanding for fear of Luffy accidentally reopening some of Law’s wounds, and general chiding from the rest of the crew for weeks, but it was all for naught. Luffy was intent on sticking to Law like an extremely cheerful parasite.

It should have bothered Law. Well, actually it did, since Law was not one much for physical affection, which he’d told Luffy many times. But he didn’t mind it as much as he would have if it were anyone else. And that was the real problem.

How the hell was he supposed to get over his horribly unwanted feelings if he was stuck with the other all the time? His plan had always been to isolate himself from the other with the hopes that his feelings would fade with their time apart, but that was clearly no longer an option.

Another problem that had sprouted, quite literally, was that their close quarters made it harder for Law to hide his affliction from the other. He didn’t know if Luffy even knew what Hanahaki was, but he was willing to bet that if he knew Law was dying he’d throw a fit. A very loud, attention getting fit that would wipe all Law’s privacy away.

So he did his best to peel the other off him and find someplace to discreetly throw up flower petals before the idiot  caught him again. It got harder and harder as time passed, since it was becoming more and more frequent.

And it wasn’t just keeping it from Luffy that was hard. It was keeping it secret from everyone. On more than one occasion he’d had to hastily shove the flowers in his hands into his pockets when someone came around a corner unexpectedly.

He had a sneaking suspicion that some of them had figured it out anyway, but none of them brought it up. Nico Robin almost certainly knew, judging by the looks she kept tossing his way and the occasional times when her timing for distracting someone else from Law was a little too perfect. She at least, had respect for his privacy, so Law didn’t try to bring it up with her. He figured that as long as she didn’t tell anyone else it wouldn’t matter. He could continue to swallow down his feelings and pretend they weren’t trying to kill him.

He was a fucking idiot.

He was sitting in the medical bay, feet propped up on a table as he balanced precariously on the hind legs of a wooden chair, doing some light reading when she found him.

“So, when are you going to tell him how you feel, Torao?” Robin asked, creeping up behind him to look over his shoulder at the medical journal he held. He resisted the urge to sigh, leaning forward to rest all four of the chair’s legs on the ground again.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Robin-ya.”

She gave him an unimpressed look as she gazed down at him. “Torao.”

“It’s Trafalgar,” he said, frowning. “And it’s none of your concern. It’ll go away soon enough.” He turned back to his book.

“Is that what you tell yourself every time you cough up another handful of flower petals?” she asked pointedly. And damn her for guessing correctly.

He didn’t answer, choosing to glare at the text in front of him instead.

He heard a light sigh before a hand came to rest on his shoulder. “You should tell him. He’d want to know.” He waited until he couldn’t hear her footsteps anymore before dropping the book and putting his head in his hands. Damn her again for telling Law what he already knew.

He spit out a soft yellow petal and tossed it in the trash.

* * *

“Tooorrraaaaoooo!” the excited voice screamed before he found himself with an armful of Luffy.

He fought to stay upright under the unexpected weight and stumbled into the railing. “Straw Hat-ya, what have I told you about jumping on me?” he grumbled.

“Shishishi! Not to do it!” the other laughed. “But I can’t help it! I see Torao and I just want to jump him!”

Law felt his face heat up and he sputtered for a few seconds. There was no way Luffy meant it in anything but an innocent way, but for fuck’s sake _he could not say shit like that_.

“Luffy, do you even know how you sound?” Zoro snorted from his spot a few feet away where he’d been napping until his loud captain had woken him. Law glanced at the green haired swordsman and silently gave a prayer of thanks that he didn’t have to be the one to point it out to Luffy.

“What do you mean? I sound like me!” Luffy protested, arms and legs squeezing a little tighter around Law.

The rest of the crew shook their heads at their captain’s naivete. They were all gathered above deck for lunch since it was such a nice day.

Their shipwright stood up and struck a pose, booming out, “You sound suuuUUPER PERVY!” Judging by the wide smile on his face and the thumbs up he gave his captain, he didn’t see it as a bad thing.

Nami slapped him upside the head. “Sit down, moron. He’s right though, Luffy. Don’t say stuff like that- it makes you sound like you want to sleep with Torao.” She crossed her arms and sat back down.

“What? But I do wanna sleep with Torao. Sleeping is great. That’s why Zoro does it so much,” Luffy said, unwinding one arm from around Law’s chest to point at his friend.

There was a collective groan all around.

“We’re talking about a different kind of sleeping, Luffy,” Robin explained gently.

“A different kind? There’s more than one?” Luffy asked, tilting his head and furrowing his brow in confusion. Law would have buried his face in his hands, but they were unfortunately still trapped under Luffy’s arm.

“Yohohoho- we’re talking about sex!” Brook blurted out before Nami could forcibly shut his mouth. Law wished someone would throw him overboard and end his misery.

Luffy just looked disappointed that they weren’t talking about some secret new sleeping method he could use. “Oh. Well, that’s fine too I guess,” he said, making everyone else lose their damn minds.

Some of them were arguing with him about how he shouldn’t be making such declarations so nonchalantly and others were covering their ears and trying to drown out what they were hearing.

“Oh gods, please don’t talk about sex, Luffy! I can’t handle hearing it from you, I really can’t!” Usopp cried. “You’re not supposed to know what sex is!”

Luffy made a petulant face at that. “I know what sex is! I didn’t grow up under a rock!” Law was starting to feel ill. He needed to lie down and forget this ever happened.

“Straw Hat-ya,” he said quietly, trying to get the other’s attention.

“Okay, fine! But you’re only supposed to talk about having sex with someone if you really like them! Otherwise I’ll never be able to look at you the same way again! Just let me pretend you’re an innocent kid!” Usopp countered. The poor guy was practically in hysterics.

“I’m nineteen!” Luffy protested, and the bickering continued.

“Straw Hat-ya,” he tried again. His stomach was starting to churn.

Luffy didn’t hear him.

The Straw Hat Pirates kept arguing back and forth, but Law wasn’t really paying attention anymore. It was taking too much effort just to stay calm.

“Well, it doesn’t matter anyway!” Luffy burst out. “Besides, I like Torao plenty!”

Nami glowered at him. “It’s not the same, dummy! And if you like him so much, then tell us why!” She probably didn’t mean for it to come out so harsh. She probably just meant to have Luffy evaluate his actual feelings, but it made Law feel even worse.

After all, what would Luffy see in someone like Law? They were like night and day.

Luffy was all smiles and joy and brought light into everyone’s lives. Law was the opposite. He was moody and difficult to be around and ruined everything he ever touched. He couldn’t even avenge Cora on his own. Hell, he hadn’t even succeeded in dying back on Dressrosa like he planned.

“What’s not to like about Torao?”

Law’s heart stuttered at the words, and his breathing grew laboured for a different reason than panic.

“Torao’s great! He has his cool powers and he can use a sword! Plus he’s all smart and stuff, and he saved my life! Also, he’s comfy, smells nice, and is fun to be around!” That last one sounded like a fucking lie to Law, but he couldn’t open his mouth to protest, No, he had to keep his mouth firmly shut to keep from spewing flower petals everywhere.

Luffy’s crew had the decency to not try and argue about Law not being likeable when he was standing among them, but they were looking rather incredulously at the pair.

Luffy turned from them to look Law in the eye. “Shishishi- you’re a pretty great guy, Torao!” The smile he gave him was so blinding that Law wanted to turn his head away. He didn’t deserve that smile or the way that it made him feel warm all over.

He wanted to cry.

He didn’t of course, because that would be humiliating to break down in tears just because someone was being unreasonably nice to him. But he wanted to. He wanted to cry and collapse in the other’s embrace and apologize for not being good enough. He wanted the flowers blossoming in his chest to disappear and let him breathe unhindered again.

But he didn’t cry, and the flowers didn’t disappear. He could hear them rattle inside his chest with every breath he took.

Lucky for him, everyone’s attention snapped to the cook when he appeared with food. Extra lucky for him that meant Luffy finally let go and zoomed away to grab as much meat as the cook allowed.

When he ran off to the restroom nobody noticed except Robin.

He didn’t return to eat with them. He was too busy trying not to choke on the amaryllis that wouldn’t stop pouring from his mouth. After an hour had passed he couldn’t tell whether the red was just the natural color of the blossoms or if it was because of the blood that came with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna be honest, I have a shit memory so I don't totally remember what canonically happens in Dressrosa and Zou and whatnot. So like...don't expect it to be canonically accurate at all lol
> 
> Amaryllis is supposed to indicate worth beyond beauty (according to the first website i came across for flower symbolism)


	2. Nobody Minds Their Own Damn Business

The second person to confront him was the Straw Hat's doctor.

"Torao, why didn't you say anything?" Chopper asked, tears making his eyes appear extra shiny. He looked like the worlds saddest and sweetest stuffed animal.

He sighed in exasperation. If only the Straw Hats would mind their own business. "Look, it's not a big deal," he tried to placate the little doctor.

Chopper merely stomped his tiny hoof at that and started shoving pamphlets in his face. "It is a big deal! Look at the long term consequences! If you don't get it treated-!"

"I know what the effects of Hanahaki are, Tony-ya," he interrupted before the other could go into a full on lecture. Honestly, even if he hadn't gotten it when he was younger, it wasn't like he wouldn't know what happened. He was a doctor too for fuck's sake.

He pushed past the reindeer to enter the med bay, but the other continued to follow him around.

"Then we should operate right away! I can do the surgery if you're not comfortable with doing it yourself," Chopper offered, pattering being him and trying not to drop all his pamphlets.

Law almost groaned. "I'm not getting the surgery," he said.

He could practically see the steam flying out of the reindeer's ears and the little gears turning madly in his furry head. "Torao! You'll die if you don't do it!" Which was true, but that wasn't about to keep Law from refusing it.

"Unless..." Oh no, he did not like the sound of that word, "You plan on telling Luffy how you feel?!" Chopper exclaimed, pamphlets flying everywhere as he raised his hooves to squish into his cheeks. Damn it all. Why did his life turn out this way?

"I am not telling Straw Hat-ya anything about this and neither are you," he grit out, using his height to his advantage by looming over the other doctor. He felt a small pang of guilt at the frightened look he received, but he pushed it down. There was no way Luffy was finding out about this.

Chopper shuffled around to pick up his pamphlets, not meeting his eyes. But eventually the little doctor's big heart overruled his fear and he confronted Law again.

"I don't want you to die, Torao. And neither does Luffy! Are you sure you don't want to surgically remove the growth?" he asked timidly.

Law softened a little at the heartbroken look on his face and bent crouched down to meet him at eye level. "I'm sure, Tony-ya. I know it seems odd, but I've tried it before, and I... Look, it just didn't feel right." Chopper gave him a curious look at that.

"You've had Hanahaki before?"

Law straightened up abruptly at that. Why did he have to go and tell Chopper that?! He wasn't supposed to be giving out personal information about his past to anyone. The only other person who knew about that was Bepo, and he'd been a lot younger when he told him.

He turned away from the reindeer and snatched a random book off the other's shelf. He prayed to whatever deity's might exist that Chopper just let it go. He was not ready to confront that bit of his past.

He could hear the reindeer's hooves clop on the ground as he approached.

"Is there- is there anything that could be done to- to keep you alive?" he asked, voice wavering.

"I don't think so, Tony-ya," he replied quietly.

He was, dare he say it, _fond_ of the Straw Hat's doctor. He was very talented for one, and for another Law had a soft spot for people that blurred the line between humans and animals. Side effect of being friends with Bepo for so long he supposed. He missed his friend.

That was probably the reason why he spent the next ten minutes patting the little doctor consolingly on the head while he sniffled about how sad he was going to be when Law died.

* * *

Law decided to lie on the deck the next afternoon. If he was dying he might as well get some sunlight and fresh air while he could. Well, as fresh as air could be when it had to fight past the flowers sprouting from his lungs.

Every breath stung, but he was used to it. Better than having no breath at all.

He was just about to drift off when the frantic clattering of hooves broke the serene afternoon silence.

"Torao! Torao!" Chopper cried out, forcing Law to open his eyes when the warm sunlight shining on his face was abruptly blocked. He blinked up at the reindeer and frowned. Was there no peace to be had in his dying days? Good grief.

"Torao, I had an idea! What if you just trimmed back the growth? I think you would still feel the same if the roots are still there, but what if you cut back the rest of the growth? Then you wouldn't have to die-!"

He sat up quickly and slapped a hand over the other's mouth and looked around furtively. What if somebody heard him?!

"You're going to die?" Nami asked behind him. Fuck.

He twisted around to glare at her. He was not going to have this conversation. He was going to pretend like this never happened and go on dying in peace.

Chopper pried his hands off his face. "Please, Torao!" he begged. He looked close to tear again.

Fuck everything, Law just wanted to take a nap.

"Tony-ya, even if I did that it wouldn't be a permanent fix. Even with my abilities I couldn't keep opening up my lungs without scar tissue building up," he said, ignoring the navigator.

Nami was not one to be ignored however, and she wrenched him around to face her. "Opening up your lungs?! What the hell are you two talking about? Do you have a smoking problem or something? Because I don't think surgery is going to fix that unless you're replacing your burnt out lungs with a brand new pair," she said. There was a sharp calculating look in her eye that Law didn't like.

"I'm well aware of that, but you needn't worry because it's not a smoking problem. It's also none of your business, so if you'll excuse me-"

"Torao, you should try it anyway! At least you'll get to live a little longer," Chopper pleaded with him.

"What makes you think I want to live any longer-?"

"If it's not a smoking problem then what the hell are you dying from?!"

"I just want you to get better!"

"It's neither of your business! Will you just-"

"Oh no, you do not get to brush this off! If Luffy finds out you're dying-"

"EVERYONE SHUT UP FOR A MINUTE!" someone shouted, effectively making the three close their mouths. They all turned as one to stare at Zoro who had previously escaped their notice due to his unconsciousness.

He frowned sternly at them, a vein popping angrily out of his forehead. He looked like he was about to tell them off, but as soon as he opened his mouth Sanji and Robin came bursting out on deck.

"Nami-swan! I have cocktails for you and- what are you all doing?" Sanji stopped in his tracks to tilt his head and stare at them inquisitively. Robin in turn, was observing them with a much more knowing eye. Law flicked his eyes away from her.

Law cleared his throat to speak, but Nami beat him to it.

"Chopper says Law is going to die!" she blurted out, pointing at him in accusation. He glared at her, but she remained unrepentant.

Sanji nearly dropped his tray but fortunately Robin kept it upright for him. Zoro also looked surprised at the news. Apparently he hadn't caught on to that during all the yelling before.

"I'm _fine_ ," Law spit out, scowling at them as if daring them to challenge him.

Unfortunately for him, they were all too willing to challenge him about his impending death.

"You're not fine!" Chopper protested, "I can hear your breath rattle with the growth every time you breathe." He only cowered a little bit when Law shot him a venomous look.

"He's right, Torao. You can't keep this up forever," Robin pointed out ever so helpfully.

She and Chopper shared a look of commiseration over Law's circumstances. Nami, Zoro, and Sanji were all still trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

Law tried to tell them off, but his throat was constricting rather painfully at the moment. "It's none of your- your business. I'm perfectly fine thank you ve-very much," he said. The effect of his words was rather lost due to all the coughing in between.

It certainly didn't help his case when he had to throw himself over the rail to hack up flowers.

"What the fuck-?" he heard Zoro say.

Nami and Sanji sputtered wordlessly in the background while Chopper and Robin moved closer to inspect the blossoms. There were more red petals floating around, and there were also some yellow ones as well. Although those were tinged with blood as well, so it didn't make much difference.

At this point he had three different types of flowers growing in his lungs. There were gerbera daisies which symbolized cheerfulness. These were somewhat painful at around four to five inches in width if a whole flower came out. They weren't nearly as bad as the amaryllis though which were a whopping seven inches wide when they came out full. Those meant worth beyond beauty. And finally there were the yellow gladiolus that had multiple meanings: strength of character, honor, conviction... they all applied to Luffy. And although those blossoms were small, they did grow in great stalks and most likely caused the most havoc to his lungs.

He'd still take them and all their troubles over the asphodel he'd been coughing up when he was younger. At least these ones had nice meanings.

Once he finally regained his breath- and hocked a truly impressive amaryllis blossom overboard- he slumped to the deck, back against the railing. He was too tired for this.

"Were those- those were fucking flowers!" Nami screeched, waving dramatically at the petals that had caught on Law's shirt. Sanji looked morbidly fascinated and Zoro looked like he was about to be sick. Law couldn't really blame him for that.

"Law has a disease," Robin explained. Law didn't even feel like protesting anymore. Let her tell them what was wrong with him. He just wanted to sleep. Possibly forever.

"A disease that makes you cough up flowers?" Sanji asked incredulously. He was understandable horrified, but there was genuine curiosity in his eyes.

"We can explain later. What's important right now is getting Torao to agree to have some of the growth removed!" Chopper cut in. He gave them all a pleading look to try and get them to convince Law to agree to surgery. If he didn't then Law would end up dying soon!

It worked, and they all banded together to annoy Law into agreeing. His words, not theirs.

And what was he supposed to do? Even if he kept saying no they would probably end up drugging him and doing it without his permission anyways. He was quickly learning that these people had no boundaries. He was just lucky that Luffy wasn't hanging off him for once. That idiot captain of theirs was probably taking the nap that Law so desperately coveted.

"Fine! I'll trim that back later. Just let me get some sleep- for fuck's sake I'm exhausted," he grumbled.

"No, do it now. Chopper can do it while you get some rest. Just use your powers to take your lungs out so he can operate on them while you sleep," Nami ordered.

He threw his hands up in frustration but did as she told. Less work for him he supposed.

It was disconcerting to see the roots poking out of his lungs when he removed the organs from his chest. It was definitely not what healthy lungs were supposed to look like.

"Please be careful with my lungs," was all he said to the other doctor before handing them over and lying back down. He was asleep almost instantly.

* * *

When he woke up a few hours later the rest of them were nowhere to be found. Even Zoro was mysteriously missing from his usual napping spot.

Instead Luffy was sitting next to him and whistling cheerfully.

When he realized Law was awake he turned to him and smiled brightly. "Shishishishi! Did you have a nice nap?"

Law blinked up at him slowly, not deigning to answer. He looked to his side and found his lungs placed carefully beside them in their room. He took a deep breath and found that it was much easier than before. There were no flowers lying around, so he assumed the others must have disposed of them already.

Luffy followed his gaze and pointed at his lungs in fascination. "Is that what all lungs look like? How crazy! I didn't realize they have all that stuff poking out of them!" he said.

Law thanked his lucky stars that Luffy apparently never bothered to learn what healthy lungs looked like. Although now that he thought about it, he wasn't that surprised. Luffy wasn't exactly the academically inclined type.

He smiled at the thought, and if he felt a slight tickle in his throat, it was small enough that he could ignore it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Law should have known they weren't just going to let him die quietly


	3. Sleep is Overrated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ayyyyyyyyyyy guess who's not dead???   
> not me and not this fic waddup

Being in love was the pits. Who the fuck decided falling in love was a good thing? Law wanted to find them and beat them to a pulp.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair and leaning back to pop his back after sitting hunched over medical journals all night. Chopper would probably throw a fit when he found out that Law hadn't slept at all, but he couldn't help it. He'd been having nightmares for the past week, and he was sick of it.

The obvious solution was to avoid sleeping. Problem solved.

Of course, he was going to have to sleep sometime. If not voluntarily then his body would give out from exhaustion eventually.

Stupid nightmares. Stupid body and its stupid need for sleep.

Law needed coffee.

He pulled himself out of his chair and slowly trudged to the kitchen. It was still early, so maybe he would be lucky enough to avoid the curly-browed cook.

It wasn't like he disliked Sanji. It was just that ever since the other man had learned of his condition he'd become nearly insufferable. Half the time he saw Law he would get this concerned look on his face and shove food in his arms- regardless if Law was hungry or not- and insist he needed to keep his strength up. The other half of the time he got an almost dreamy look on his face as though he were caught up in the romantic tragedy that was Law's life with hanahaki. That look made Law want to shove him overboard.

He knew hanahaki wasn't as common anymore as it used to be- most of humanity had evolved immunity to it- but that didn't mean he wanted to be gawked at.

For fuck's sake, it was like amber lead poisoning all over again. Except instead of horror, he was met with weird almost longing. He failed to see what was so romantic about suffocating because you couldn't control your feelings.

What did people see in romance anyways? It was stupid and overrated.

And Law certainly wanted no part in it. No sir. Not at all. No hugs or kisses or any of that nonsense. No matter how damn cute that idiot could be. No sir. Romance was dumb, and he was sticking to his guns about that.

He stopped in his tracks when he reached the open kitchen door. Through it he could see the curly eyed cook chopping and frying and humming and taking up all the space in the room. He better just leave. There was no way he was wading through all that and getting away with not talking to-

"Law," Sanji said, blinking at him in surprise when he turned around to fetch some sort of spice. There went his plan of bailing before the cook caught him. He was so disappointed at that he didn't even rejoice at the fact that one of the Straw Hat's was finally using his name and not that stupid moniker.

He grunted unhappily instead of saying anything. What was he supposed to do? Tell the cook sorry, but he was hoping the other man wouldn't be there so he'd just be leaving? That might have worked back on the Polar Tang, but here on the Thousand Sunny nobody would accept that answer.

Sanji quickly adjusted the heat on his cooking and covered it so he could give all his attention to the Heart Pirate's captain.

Law meanwhile was trying to remember how normal people who slept functioned.

"So...hungry?" Sanji asked, crossing his arms and giving the other an appraising look.

Law scowled at that and hunched in a little further on himself. "No," he snapped. He knew he was being rude, but he couldn't help it. He was running off of zero sleep and zero coffee. That never did bring out his charitable side.

The cook looked like he was about to argue with him about it, but fortunately- or unfortunately- someone interrupted them by bounding down the hallway and barreling into Law.

He caught himself on the doorjamb to keep from falling over as arms wound around him and an all too cheerful voice gleefully shouted, "Torao!" right in his ear.

He winced at the volume, but didn't try and shove the other captain off. It would be useless anyway. Luffy was the clingiest parasite whenever he set his mind out to it.

"Straw Hat-ya," he said with a hint of warning. If he kept shouting in his ear Law was going to dump him overboard. He hoped his glare was enough to get the other man off his back.

Luffy only laughed. "Torao's grumpy today! You still need your coffee, huh? Sanji, Torao needs coffee!"

Law would have been annoyed at the incessant cheeriness, but he was too distracted about Luffy knowing exactly what he needed without him needing to say anything. He felt a small tickle in his throat.

Sanji stared at them silently for a moment, and it gave Law the eerie feeling that the cook was trying to decide whether or not he should tell them to get a room. He shot the blond an angry look to dispel that idea.

"Coffee, huh? Okay then. How about this: you two go up on deck and wait, and then I'll bring you some coffee and breakfast in a few minutes. You can get some fresh air and check to make sure that stupid marimo isn't sleeping at the helm," Sanji suggested.

Law was about to protest, but Luffy happily agreed and whisked him away before he could.

The energetic pirate pulled him along after him until they reached their destination, not paying heed to any of Law's complaints.

"Come on, Torao! I'll let you sit with me on my favorite spot!" Luffy said, tugging hard on his arm and shoving him forward onto the Thousand Sunny's figurehead. Law stumbled and grabbed Luffy's still outstretched hand to keep his balance.

Only for balance. It wasn't like he wanted to hold his hand or anything.

Luffy smiled brightly at him, and it took Law's breath away.

Back when he was younger, back before the white plague, he used to read mythology. Real old stuff from civilizations that disappeared before even the Void Century. He probably had no business reading them at that age- some of them anyways. They were really quite brutal at times. And almost all of them were tragedies. Probably to try and warn humanity of their own faults.

If he ever learned anything from them it was that love only ever ended in sorrow.

Apollo fell in love with Daphne, but she could never love him back and turned into a tree to escape him. Echo fell in love with Narcissus, but he spurned her and she withered away from heartbreak. Hades fell in love with Persephone and stole her away from her very life, trapping her in an endless cycle for all time. All terrible fates brought on by love.

The worst story he ever heard of was the tale of Myrrha and Cinyras.

It was said that Cinyras could have had a happy life if only he'd never had a daughter. But he did have a daughter, and she was the maker of their undoing. Even the gods would not claim hand in her destruction. Both Cupid and Aphrodite pleaded innocent for what flowed through Myrrha's heart.

_Love_. What a horrible word.

Love was Myrrha's great downfall. If only she had fell in love with any other man than her own father.

Myrrha herself knew that what she felt was wrong, and had in fact sought to end her life rather than pursue such wretched longing. But as fate would have it, her old nurse had found her attempting to hang herself, and begged her to live and tell her what was plaguing her so. To keep her alive, her nurse vowed to help Myrrha receive her father's love.

When King Cinyras was drunk with wine and his wife not at his side, the nurse approached him with the offer of a young girl that loved him.

And through the darkness of night the two were brought together, and although Myrrha knew what she was doing was wrong, she could not help herself. Night after night, she traveled to her father's bed until the man became too curious about who it was that kept coming to him.

Like Psyche wishing to gaze upon her unseen husband's face, Cinyras held the lamp to Myrrha's.

Filled with grief and horror, he dropped the lamp and unsheathed his sword.

But Myrrha did not die. She fled, never to see her father or her home again. By then she already carried the seed of their sin.

When she could run no longer she begged the gods to end her misery. But she did not wish for death. In death she knew she would have to face the judges of the underworld, knew there would only be accusing eyes without pity. She begged them to release her from both life and death.

One of them must have took pity on her and granted her wish.

Her feet were transformed to roots, her blood turned to sap, and bark crawled over her skin. Even then it was not fast enough for Myrrha, who bent her face downwards to meet the rising bark, her tears adorning the tree's surface as resin that people would come to covet.

To this day, whenever he used myrrh to treat someone it made his stomach churn.

Love was without a doubt the worst feeling a person could ever experience.

Yet here he was, head over heels for a moron in a red vest.

There was no use pretending it was anything else. He wouldn't have hanahaki if it was something else.

A finger jabbed him roughly in the forehead.

"Shishishishi! You're thinking too hard, Torao! Or maybe you're too tired to think at all! You should get some sleep," said Luffy. He pulled the taller man down so that they were both sitting on the figurehead before leaning back on his arms to look up at the sky.

Law stared at him for a moment, trying to figure out why Luffy was always so nice to him. Well, nice in a Luffy-ish sort of way that sometimes involved shoving undesirable things (bread) down his throat, tossing him around like a rag doll, and getting in the way of his work.

Luffy was far too nice a person to be hanging around someone like Law. They were too different. They were worlds apart.

He felt like every stupid sucker in those old myths.

When Luffy smiled at him it was like he became every one of those love struck characters, taking their place in their tragic stories.

He was Hades looking at Persephone, gazing upon something so pure and perfect he wanted to keep it all for himself.

He was Echo staring at Narcissus, knowing that no matter what she did, it would never make him love her back.

He was Apollo weeping at the roots of what had once been Daphne’s feet, with the weight of his unattainable love and guilt weighing him down.

He was Myrrha gazing longingly at Cinyras, hating herself for what she could not help. The poison called love filling her veins and making her weep at its wrongness. He was Myrrha, who knew that her love would be her destruction, but couldn’t bear to turn her eyes away.

He stifled a cough in his fist.

Luffy turned his attention back to Law and looked at him curiously. "Torao, you need to take a nap. Don't worry; I'll be here to keep you safe. I'll make sure you don't roll off the ship or anything!"

And well, that was just unfair. Nobody had the right to be so infuriatingly cute.

Luffy reached over to shove Law into a supine position.

There went the cuteness.

"Go to sleep, Torao," Luffy ordered. And was that a hint of conqueror's haki he detected?

It must have been because the next thing he knew the world was getting fuzzy and dark.

* * *

The next thing he knew he was dreaming. There was a small part of him that recognized he was asleep and nothing happening was real, but a larger part of him brushed it aside.

That small insistent part of him was nagging at him, warning him that something bad was coming. He ignored it, taking a look around him.

It was cold. Freezing really. His fingers were going numb, and he shivered hard enough that it felt like the earth was quaking. All around him there was nothing but snow. An endless expanse of white.

He looked at his frozen hands and noted the white patches covering them.

Ah. "Of course," he mumbled to himself.

He knew what was happening. This part was real. He'd just left Corazon with the intention of not putting the man through the grief of watching him die.

He didn't want to imagine what it would be like to see that hulking idiot with a forced smile on his face while Law took his last breaths.

He stumbled, falling face first into the snow.

He was too tired and cold to move. This would have to be good enough. He was too weak to get up.

He shut his eyes and prayed that death would be swift.

A large hand landed on his shoulder, rolling him over before he was plucked off the ground. He heard a huff and some mumbled words, but he couldn't tell what Corazon was saying. Probably complaining about how he shouldn't wonder off in his condition.

Corazon's hands were warm.

And then they were shutting him in a chest.

He screamed.

He shouted, he begged the other man to let him out.

But Corazon couldn't hear him.

Gunshots rang out, and he heard something thud against the lid of the chest.

He cried harder, kept screaming and screaming until his voice was hoarse.

Until he couldn't scream any more.

Until the stems around his neck cut off his voice. White petals with streaks of brown fluttered in his peripherals. The hard wood beneath him turned soft and meaty. The walls closed in and bounced away with every breath he took.

He could see himself as though he were watching from a screen- being strangled to death by droves of asphodel in his own lungs.

Every struggle resulted in tighter roots that burrowed in his skin, and every attempt to shout resulted in his breath growing sickly sweet and tightening his throat.

There were so many flowers sprouting out of his lungs that they were starting to crush him-

"-TORAO!" someone shouted in his ear, jolting him awake.

He bolted upright, nearly smashing his face right into Luffy's. His breaths were ragged and he was pretty sure he was shaking.

Luffy kneeled in front of him looking adorably concerned. A few feet away Sanji was standing with a tray of food and sharing a worried look with Zoro.

"Torao looked like he was having a nightmare. You shouldn't be so unhappy when you're sleeping," Luffy said.

Law glared at him and staggered to his feet. "Well, whose fault is that?" he spat. "I didn't want to sleep, but _someone_ decided to use haki on me! Have you ever considered how rude that is, Straw Hat-ya?" He stomped off the figurehead and made to pass the cook and swordsman.

Fuck, he should have never left the med bay. He should have just stayed there and drowned himself in more text.

"But Torao, you weren't gonna sleep if I didn't do it!" Luffy protested, following his angry footsteps.

"Clearly, I wasn't sleeping for a reason!" he retorted.

"Is it because of that illness you have?" Luffy asked.

Law froze in his steps and whirled around to stare at him with wide eyes. "What?"

"Everyone said you were sick, but nobody would tell me what it was. Is it why you're not sleeping?" Luffy said simply.

Law turned his head to glare at Zoro and Sanji in accusation.

Great. Fucking great. Apparently all the Straw Hats knew he was sick now. They most likely all knew it was hanahaki too, with the exception of Luffy. Fuck, he wanted to throw himself overboard.

"We are _not_ talking about this," he seethed, striding away to go lock himself in the med bay.

He ignored Luffy's whining and the other two's attempts to get him to stop.

Love was the fucking worst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so..........sorry it took so long  
> unfortunately updates aren't going to get any better because classes have started up again and I literally have no time. next time i let my father piss me off into taking more classes out of spite, just come slap me. 19 credits is too much when you work 20 hours a week and need to do 6 hours minimum out of class work per studio you have (which I'm taking 2 like a crazy person) Honestly? Fuck college it's the worst lol
> 
> Also I shamelessly copied and pasted a chunk of this fic from another fic I wrote because I really wanted to lmao
> 
> I'll try and do my best to update asap but I gotta lot on my plate so no promises ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	4. This Ain't Law's First Rodeo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> merry belated christmas have a short chapter to remind y'all that i'm not dead lol

The next few weeks passed with more ease than Law expected. He thought he'd be bombarded day in and day out with questions about his health from Luffy, but the other captain was suspiciously silent on the matter. He suspected that at least one of the Straw Hats must have warned Luffy against bringing it up again.

Just because he didn't mention it however, that did not mean that he didn't sometimes catch the younger man giving him concerned looks. It mostly happened whenever he started coughing, so that wasn't that unusual.

If there was one bright side to Luffy finding out he was sick it was that he no longer had to hide all the stupid flower petals he hacked up. The other captain may not know what caused them, but Law had made it perfectly clear to everyone else that they could not under any circumstances tell him why. If they did they'd find themselves scattered in various pieces across the ocean floor.

This became increasingly more convenient as the days went by and he found the growth in his lungs growing to uncomfortable levels again.

Once he started coughing up whole flowers again he begrudgingly allowed Chopper to operate on his lungs for the second time.

On the one hand, he was pleased to wake up only slightly groggy and with the ability to breathe properly again. On the other, he was forced to listen to the little doctor lecture him on the benefits to having the growth removed.

He was rather hoping that the reindeer would give up on the argument, but nearly a week after the operation Chopper was still badgering him about it.

"Torao, you need to seriously consider it!" he pleaded as he trotted after the supernova, trying to get his little legs to keep up with Law's much longer ones.

Law tried not to snap at him. "I assure you that I've considered it quite extensively. My answer is _no_ , Tony-ya."

Not for the first time, he cursed his body for being susceptible to hanahaki. He was fairly certain he had been immune to it when he was growing up in Flevance. He strongly suspected that he lost his immunity to the disease after he caught amber lead poisoning. That fucking white plague had to ruin his life forever didn't it?

Unfortunately for him, Chopper wasn't the only one pestering him about his illness. In fact, with the exception of one cheery captain, all of the Straw Hats seemed hell bent on bringing it up whenever Luffy wasn't around.

"So Torao, when are you going to tell Luffy how you feel?" Robin would ask.

"IT'S SUUUUUUUPPPPEEEERRRRR THAT YOU'RE NOT DEAD YET!" Franky would shout.

"Why don't you just get that growth removed like a sane person, you masochist?" Nami would ask.

"Yohohoho! I see you're still up and about, Torao! Not that I can actually see since I don't have eyeballs!" Brook would laugh.

Sanji would stare uncomfortably long at him without seeming to actually look at him. It was like he was trying to use x-ray vision to look through his skin and bones to see the flowers blooming in his lungs.

Usopp would shriek and insist that he wasn't thinking about Law's sickness and run away.

Zoro would be mercifully silent, but he still frowned at him from time to time like Law had personally offended him by existing.

If they didn't cut it out soon Law was going to go out of his damn mind.

"But it's the best option!" Chopper's voice snapped him out of his musings.

"Not to me it isn't," he retorted. For fuck's sake, why couldn't everyone just leave him alone? If he wanted to die it was his own damn choice at this point. He stalked towards the med bay, intent on finding something to read so he could drown out the Straw Hat's doctor with medical texts.

In a magnificent stroke of unluckiness, he found the rest of the Straw Hat's waiting for him there. Minus one very loud and excessively cheery captain that is. He wondered if it was a good thing that Luffy was missing or not.

"What the hell are all of you doing here?" he demanded angrily.

"Torao, this is an intervention," Nami said nonplussed. She crossed her arms and glared at him. Several other members of the group copied her.

He sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose. "An intervention for what?" He had a good guess what it was about, but he was praying that something else had come up for them to nag him about.

"You need to tell Luffy how you feel, or you need to get that growth removed," Nami said in that no nonsense voice of hers. She looked awfully close to reaching over and hitting him.

"Counterpoint- I do neither of those things, and the rest of you leave it alone," he replied.

Chopper clung to his leg and gazed tearfully up at him. "But you'll die! Torao, we can't let that happen!"

"What's the big deal anyways? You'll probably just fall in love with him again, won't you?" Usopp asked. He immediately cowered behind Zoro at the venomous look he received.

" _That's not how it works!_ " Law spat.

Fuck, he was so mad. His day could not get any worse.

"What do you mean that's not how it works? It's not like it's impossible for you to fall in love with him again. Besides, I didn't think you'd be that concerned about it when you're so adamant about not telling him. What's the difference?" Nami said.

"Won't it be better to be alive and unhindered by such things instead of being dead?" Zoro piped up.

Law was _this close_ to chopping them all into little pieces and throwing them overboard.

"You don't understand!" he yelled exasperated. "None of you know what it's like! It's not like some chalkboard you wipe off to get a clean slate!"

The others took a step back as he barged past them to pace furiously around the room, organizing things restlessly to keep his hands busy. He used every bit of his willpower to keep his hands from shaking.

"One minute you just- you have all these _feelings_. You have all these memories of someone, and they mean so _much_ to you-" he broke off to cough into his fist. "But when you take away that growth you take away so much more.

"Those memories are still there, but you just- you feel _nothing_. Moments of your life that were so important to you just stop meaning anything. Some- someone that once made you feel like you couldn't live without them suddenly becomes a stranger to you."

His voice started to crack, but he couldn't seem to stop the words pouring from his mouth.

"And you _know_ that they're supposed to be important to you! You know you're supposed to love them. You know they're supposed to mean _something_ to you." He slammed a book a little more forcefully into the shelf than was strictly necessary. "But they _don't_. They don't mean anything to you. And those memories- they don't even feel like yours anymore. It's like you're watching the scenes play out in someone else's life, and you understand it's important to them but just a passing moment for you.

"And you think maybe someday that feeling will return, and everything will be alright again. Maybe it will come back slowly, and it just needs time. Maybe you'll feel whole again."

He stopped rearranging the papers covering the desk, letting his hands fall limply to his sides.

"But it doesn't. It never comes back. And you have to remind yourself constantly not to _forget_. To not forget how much you cared about that person. To not forget why they were important. To not forget how much they did for you."

He squeezed his eyes shut and willed the burning sensation behind his eyes to disappear.

"You carry around this little part of you that always feels _empty_. Empty and wrong," he said, voice barely more than a whisper.

There was a resounding silence behind him, but he didn't dare turn around to face his audience.

After what seemed like an eternity he felt a hand on his shoulder. He took a deep breath and glanced at the woman beside him.

"You've had hanahaki before?" Robin asked softly.

"A long time ago. I figured Tony-ya would have told you since nobody seems capable of keeping a secret on this ship," he said somewhat vindictively.

Sanji was the one to ask the question that was on everyone's minds. "Who was it?"

"Corazon," he replied. No use hiding it at this point.

"Doflamingo's brother? The one that took you in?" Usopp asked with a look.

"You don't have to look like that, Nose-ya," he reprimanded him. "Hanahaki doesn't have to stem from romantic love. Platonic and familial are less common, but nonetheless possible."

The long nosed pirate stuttered out an excuse that Law ignored as the rest of the crew seemed to take it as their cue to approach him with more questions.

"How come it's less common? Is it because they're more likely to have their love reciprocated?" Sanji asked curiously.

"Essentially, yes," he replied.

Nami moved the cook out of the way to get closer to Law. "Did Corazon not reciprocate your feelings then? From what little you've told us about him, he seemed like he cared a lot about you."

Law dragged a hand down his face. "I was young. It had been long enough that I didn't remember how to tell if someone loved me or not. I thought he just took care of me out of some sort of misplaced sense of guilt. Or because he was just too nice to leave me to die of amber lead poisoning."

"He didn't try and set you straight when he found out?" she asked.

"He was already dead by the time I started coughing up petals," he said. Her face fell into sad understanding at that.

He was always going to remember that first time he managed to cough up a whole blossom. He'd been waiting for a complete flower to come up to he could look it up. He cried harder than he thought he was capable of after losing his family in Flevance.

He would always be haunted by those seven words in the column next to the picture of asphodel that explained what it symbolized.

_My regrets follow you to the grave_.

He massaged his throat, phantom pains scratching at his windpipe. Or maybe they were current ones from his more recent infatuation.

It suddenly felt like everything was too much. He had to get away from all the pitying stares. He needed to be alone.

Without thinking, he quickly made a room that covered the entire ship and swapped himself with a pebble in the crow's nest. He'd taken to leaving little things here and there around the ship to make it easier to teleport out of undesirable situations.

Once in the crow's nest he sagged to the floor. He closed his eyes and gave a fleeting prayer that no one would find him before sinking into an exhausted slumber, the dull rocking of the ship on the waves lulling him to sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yooooo what's up I'm back from the semester from hell  
> sorry it took so long to update lol, but in fairness i'm pretty sure i warned y'all that i was terrible at updating anyways even when i'm not insanely busy all the time
> 
> poor law....sorry your life is miserable dude, but i live for the angst
> 
> thanks to you guys for sticking around for this fic, I love and cherish all of you


	5. Sleep is Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Me: *sees how long it's been since I updated*  
> Me: Oops

There were a lot of things Luffy enjoyed. He enjoyed sitting on Thousand Sunny’s figurehead, fighting monsters, spending time with his friends, parties, and _eating_. Eating was the best! But recently it felt like he was hungry for something that he couldn’t quite place. 

It wasn’t for food, although he was usually hungry for that anyways. No, this was something different. Something that all the food in the world couldn’t seem to fill. 

It always seemed to pop up when Law was around too. And sometimes when he wasn’t around, but Luffy was thinking of him anyway. He really didn’t get it. He knew he didn’t actually want to eat Law- he did have some standards, no matter how low they might seem. After all, he wasn’t like that weirdo Wapol. Although there were a couple times when he looked at Law and briefly wondered what he tasted like. Maybe if he had just a little bite he wouldn’t be so hungry anymore?

He tried to ask Zoro about it once, but the older man just stared at him blankly for a moment before declaring that he had to go meditate and clear his mind. So he was no help. 

Maybe he should ask Robin about it. She was smart- she’d probably know something about it. Or maybe he should ask Chopper? He didn’t feel sick, but maybe it was some weird kind of illness. Hmm. 

Speaking of his crewmates, where were they?

The deck was surprisingly empty for a regular evening out at sea. He heard a bunch of them whispering about some sort of intervention earlier that day, but he didn’t know what it was for since they all clammed up as soon as they noticed him. He tried to pry it out of Usopp, but Nami slapped a hand over his mouth and told Luffy that it was none of his business before dragging him off. 

Maybe that’s where everyone was. It didn’t help him much though since he didn’t even know where everyone was meeting. He didn’t even know if they were all there. It was perfectly possible that not everyone had been invited to the meeting. After all, Luffy hadn’t been, and he was the captain!

He should check the crow’s nest- someone was supposed to be up there anyways. Not that he actually enforced that. More often than not it was empty, but who knows? Maybe someone felt like enjoying the breeze up there today. Or maybe Zoro was in there training. 

He stretched his arm and grabbed hold of the mast and shot up to the crow’s nest. 

To his great surprise there was actually someone in there, but it wasn’t who he’d been expecting at all. He hadn’t pictured anyone in particular when he launched himself up, but he certainly wouldn’t have imagined it to be Law. The Heart Pirate’s Captain didn’t spend a lot of time up there. 

Also, he was asleep, which Luffy was both pleased and disappointed about. Pleased because Law needed rest, but disappointed because it meant he couldn’t talk to him. Still, he was happy that he hadn’t yelled out a greeting before seeing who it was, otherwise he’d be mad at himself about disturbing Law’s rest. Law always looked so tired. Luffy knew it had to do with his sickness and that Chopper had patched him up, but Law wasn’t cured. 

It was complicated, they said. No one would tell him why it was complicated or how he even got sick. Luffy stopped asking after a while because he knew they wouldn’t tell him, and it would just make him angry. Everyone had secrets, and that was fine, but he didn’t like secrets when someone’s life hung in the balance. 

He wished he could ask Law about it. Normally, Law had a no-nonsense way of explaining things no one else wanted to, but this was personal. And if there was one thing he learned about Law it was that the older man was a private person. He liked his space, and he liked to keep his secrets. 

Luffy didn’t hold it against him. 

Everyone had their own preferences. He just wanted Law to break out of his shell sometimes. He liked when Law opened up bit by bit to his crew. It made him really happy when Law would bond with his crewmates over little things. Like when he and Zoro would spar and he got that manic glint in his eye that only a good fight could bring out. Or when he and Chopper would change information about different remedies they’d come across in their travels. Even when he bickered with Robin over books that they shared. 

His favorite was when Law was with him though. Sometimes when they were together- whether they were alone or not- Law would get this little smile on his face. It was never very big, the way most people’s got when they were happy, but it was a true smile. Most of Law’s smiles looked like they were insincere, or they were hiding pain beneath them. But his real smiles, that were few and far between- those were wonderful. They warmed Luffy right down to his toes, and some of that inexplicable hunger disappeared. 

Luffy wished Law would smile like that more often. 

He wondered how many more of them he’d get to see. Everyone said that Law’s sickness was fatal, and that the surgeries Chopper did on him were only temporary. They always said it with this look on their faces like they expected him to do something about it. 

He didn’t know how to help Law though. Chopper was the doctor, not him. He couldn’t just punch the sickness out of him- he’d told them that once, and Nami had been so exasperated she threatened to throw him into the sea. 

If he knew how to cure Law he would, but the fact was that he had no idea. They told him that it was possible to get rid of Law’s disease for good, but the other captain wouldn’t accept it. Usopp and Nami told Luffy that he ought to convince Law to take the cure, but when he went off to try Zoro had pulled him aside and stopped him. 

The swordsman said that he should let Law decide for himself. Luffy may have gotten a bit mad at that, but the older man talked him down. Law must have had reasons for his decision. 

When Luffy asked Zoro what was making Law so sick, his friend almost looked like he was going to answer him. But then something had flashed across his face and he refused to tell him. Said he’d have to ask Law about it himself. As if. 

For now he hoped that Law would tell him someday without prompting. Someday soon would be nice, but if Law wasn’t ready to tell him then that was fine too. He didn’t want Law to die, and he certainly wouldn’t allow it without a fight, but for now he could wait. 

He wasn’t normally a patient person, but for the other captain he would wait as long as Law needed him to. 

It looked like he wasn’t going to be finding anyone else for the time being, so he settled down to watch over the older man. Even while he was sleeping he looked exhausted. He ought to look content and peaceful, but he didn’t. Leave it to Law to make even sleep seem like a bad thing. 

He looked so uncomfortable it was making Luffy start to ache all over. Law was going to have a crick in his neck when he woke up if he stayed slumped over in that position. Well, Luffy could fix that much at least. 

Carefully, making sure not so disturb Law he pulled the older man up from where his head and shoulders were cramped against the wall. He originally planned to simply slot himself behind him like a pillow, but then he realized that the floor didn’t seem very comfortable either. Now, normally Luffy didn’t mind it when he was taking naps, but Law deserved to sleep somewhere more comfortable while he caught up on much needed rest. There were no actual pillows or blankets up in the crow’s nest, so Luffy used the next best thing: himself. 

He sat cross legged, picked Law up, and pulled him into his lap, resting his head so that it fell just under Luffy’s chin. 

Yeah, this was much better! Luffy hummed to himself happily for thinking of such a genius solution. He had great ideas! He could use this as proof next time Usopp tried to tell him his plan’s sucked. 

* * *

When Law first disappeared from the med bay the rest of the Straw Hats figured they’d give him space. After all, they basically forced him into admitting something that clearly traumatized him in the past. So his disappearance wasn’t unexpected.

What was worrying was that nobody could seem to find their captain. Ordinarily everyone knew where Luffy was on the Thousand Sunny. He was hardly the type to hide away. In fact, he was the opposite. He loudly announced his presence wherever he went, laughing and flinging himself at other people all the while. 

Everyone thought it was oddly quiet after they adjourned their meeting, but they didn’t find it concerning for the first ten minutes or so. Twenty minutes passed, bringing slight suspicion and short questions. An hour later and they were all losing their minds. 

Zoro, Sanji and Franky had all spent at least twenty minutes scouring the sea floor with no results. It seemed like the most logical step to take at the time. What else were you supposed to do when your noisy, clingy captain mysteriously vanished without a word- a captain who had a habit of doing impulsive things like shooting himself overboard to try and catch birds at that! It was hardly a stretch to imagine Luffy doing just that and sinking to the bottom of the sea while no one else was there to drag him back to safety.

Robin was the only one who had any semblance of calm during the whole ordeal. 

She had to admit, she was starting to get a little concerned as well, but even when Luffy did end up doing stupid things his amazing luck always seemed to save him from actual harm. 

Still, it was best to keep an eye out for him. A literal one in this case. She used her powers to sprout eyes in various locations on the ship to take a good look around. Lo and behold, she found their captain of course. Safe and sound asleep. More importantly. snuggled up beneath another infamous pirate captain. 

“I think,” Robin cut across Nami and Usopp’s incoherent shouting, “The question we should have been asking sooner is ‘Where is Torao?’”

Nami’s shrewd eyes buried daggers into her. “You know where he is.”

She shrugged. “I took a look around. They’re both safe. They’re in the crow’s nest if you want to go see,” she said. A smirk pulled at the corner of her lips at their curious but cautious expressions.

Eventually their hesitation wore off and the group went thundering up to the crow’s nest. What they found there left them all speechless. Which was good, since Luffy considered smacking them if they woke Law up by being too loud. He loved them, he really did, but disturbing Law right now was a no-no. 

Law was still sawing logs on Luffy’s lap, long legs hanging off to Luffy’s left and head resting against his collar bone. Luffy had pulled the other pirate’s hat off at some point, so it looked a little mussed. The younger man had an arm wrapped around Law’s waist, and the rest of the crew strongly suspected that the other one had also been doing the same before they showed up. At their intrusion however, he’d unwrapped one arm to hold his hand up to his lips in a shushing gesture. 

It was that untimely moment that Usopp chose to keel over, foaming at the mouth and wailing to the high heavens. 

Chopper screamed, “USOPP! Someone call a doctor! Wait- _I’m_ a doctor!” He clattered over to the other while waving his hooves frantically in the air. 

Nami and Sanji both rushed to Usopp’s side as well, although they looked a little more exasperated at his condition than concerned. Franky shouted encouragement to the side and struck a pose that Brook decided to copy as he laughed about how he his eyes would be popping out of their sockets if he still had eyes. Zoro pretended like he hadn’t come barreling up the ladder like everyone else and was playing it cool. 

Luffy couldn’t help but laugh a little at all the ruckus. He wasn’t sure what was wrong with Usopp at the moment, but he was sure Chopper would fix it. 

Naturally, he would have to have been near death to sleep through all the chaos, so Law began to stir from his slumber. 

Law was feeling surprisingly refreshed after his impromptu nap, albeit still a bit sleepy. If his brain had been working a little faster, he would have instantly been suspicious about that since it felt like he hadn’t slept well in weeks. As it was, it took him a few moments of blinking blearily at the shock of red fabric in front of him before realizing something was up. 

For one, it was very noisy- hardly unusual given where he was, but it sounded more panicked than normal. For another, whatever he was sitting on was far too warm and soft to be the floor of the Thousand Sunny. And lastly, there was something gripping his waist, which was _definitely_ unusual because even Bepo didn’t do that. 

Also, whatever- or rather whoever it was- was laughing. 

He leaned back a bit and tilted his head up to see who was holding him. 

Luffy caught his eye and beamed down at him. “Oh, we woke you up, didn’t we? Sorry, Torao! You can go back to sleep if you want. You should get as much rest as you can! Plus, you looked comfy- don’t worry about the rest of us. We’ll be quieter,” he chuckled, holding him tighter. 

Luffy’s suggestion did sound tempting, and Law was still half asleep. Plus, he was pretty comfy…. It couldn’t hurt could it?

When he woke up for good he’d scream at himself for his stupid mistakes, but for now he let himself drift back to sleep, warm and content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luffy understands romantic love theoretically but not in practicality lol
> 
> but look I actually write fluff without five shit tons of angst for once so go me


End file.
